Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
