He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
