Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
