Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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