I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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