I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
