my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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