??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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