who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
