weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
