he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
