my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
