I have demons in me.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
