I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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