a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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