He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.  Â
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
