I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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