don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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