You're so nebulous sometimes
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Randomize
