There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
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so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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