don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
