What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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