i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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