worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Welp...herpes.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
