Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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