Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize