i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
