My first STD was from a foam party
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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