i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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