He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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