the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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