it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
