Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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