just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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