It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
