Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
