One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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