I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
