Christians are straight up FREAKS
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
