I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
