they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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