Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
this is an emotional support booty call
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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