So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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