Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Randomize
