I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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