I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
