Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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