9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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