The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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