So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
