If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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