Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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