i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
