I puked a lego.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
