How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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