omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
