On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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