you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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