Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
