If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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