You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
