My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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