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Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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