White coat. Heels.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she told me i tasted like america
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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