I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
