Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
