i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
