There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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