just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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